A man walks into a bank.

All he wants to do is deposit a check. He should have trusted his instincts and used the ATM.

He is greeted by the sentinel guarding the door at the customer service desk, “Hello, welcome to Chase Bank. How may I help you?”

He averts his eyes: “I just want to deposit a check.”

The sentinel persists: “We can have one of our personal bankers help you.”

“No, really, I’m good. I have everything I need.”

He walks to the counter with deposit slips, fills one out, signs the check, and gets in line. I should have simply used the ATM.

As soon as he gets in line for the teller, another woman, perhaps the personal banker, approaches, “Why are you visiting Chase Bank today?”

“I’m here to deposit a check.”

“Is there anything else we can do for you today.”

“No, I just need to deposit this check and I’ll be good.”

Thirty seconds later a teller says, “I can help you here.”

She takes the check and deposit slip and says, “Do you have any other accounts with Chase?”

Can’t she see that on her computer screen? he thinks.

“Yes, I have my business account, my checking account, and my mortgage through Chase. I’ve been a customer since 1992 – you bought the bank we originally started with when we moved here from Colorado.”

The teller says, “Have you heard of Chase Exclusives?”

“I think so. I just need to deposit this check.”

“Well, you really need to hear about Chase Exclusives. It’s a credit card with a ton of awards and benefits. I can have a personal banker go though your accounts and see if you are receiving the full benefits of Chase.”

“I don’t really have time for this today.”

“Okay, so could you give me your telephone number? I’ll have our personal banker call you.”

He finally agrees, thinking, I’m free. Then, the teller says, “Why don’t you wait while I introduce you to your personal banker.”

By this time, he is perspiring, trying his best to be non-anxious and polite. He doesn’t give a hoot about Chase Exclusives. He needs no credit card with frivolous awards with every purchase.

Apparently, the bank has abandoned its monotonous, day-to-day activities (such as providing small businesses with lines of credit) and gone into another business: annoying its customers with stuff they don’t want.

We really do live in a post-advertising marketplace. It’s all white noise if you can’t deliver on the promise of your basic services.